I've been getting the ever so common question after your child turns 1, "When are you going to have another one?" or comments like, "Time for another one," "When are you having a girl?", "When are you going to give that gorgeous son of yours someone to play with (as if Children are toys)?" In my culture especially, having children is probably the most important thing a woman must do, next to being married of course. The earlier you get married, the better. The more kids you have, the better. For a woman, more often than not, having children is looked at as more important than having a career. Your identity is through your children. When Yoruba people call you when you're a mother or a father, you are no longer called by your name but called "Iya *Insert your first borns name here*", Iya meaning mother (I wrote post that referenced this word Iya). For example, I'm called Iya Timi.
Why is it that a woman's career is not as important as a man? I absolutely love being a Mom, trust me I do but I cannot compromise myself in order to follow the "protocol" of getting married, having kids. I want to be stimulated, I have goals I want to cross off my list.
This post is also for the late 20s, 30 who are getting pressured by their loved ones about one thing or another. Other people's plans for you are none of your business. You keep doing what makes you happy. You want to travel the world before settling down, do it. You want to adopt a child alone, do it. You want to focus on your career and put everything else on hold, sure if it makes you happy. If you dive into something so permanent when you're not ready, you might pay for it one way or another. My favorite response now is "okay" when they tell me what they would like for me to do. You see, you don't have to share your plans with anyone but God. First, because not everyone will understand where you are coming from. Second, because sometimes its safe to keep your plans to yourself, too many enemy of progress out there. Third, because its none of their damn business, simple as ABC.
Lastly, this post is not to bash stay at home Moms or Moms who's main joy comes from parenting, it is to encourage those who are feeling pressure to live their life a certain way (which can also include stay at home Moms). Not everyone wants to have a career and that's okay, as long as that's what you want. I commend Mothers who take care of their kids 24/7, it truly takes a special kind of human to do such and you ladies are the real life superheros.